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Zhang Jie: At this time, you will grow up

2023-03-31 01:17:36 [Photography art ]
Zhang Jie: At this time, you will grow up

People always get sick. Lying on the bed, not to mention headaches, bone pains all over the body, it is uncomfortable to lie down even after turning over and over, and even the teeth are full of pain; the tongue is white and thick, I don’t think about tea and rice, and I have no appetite; , mouth full of blistering, tired body... You even think that living like this is worse than dying. The first thing you think about is your mother. You remember when you were ill when you were a child, and your mother's palm rubbed down on your hot forehead, and all your discomfort and pain seemed to be expelled by the rubbing. It seems that no matter what kind of serious illness you have, it has never been as difficult as it is now: because your mother is carrying the pain for you; no matter how good your illness is, the last thing you remember is to guard your life day and night. Your mother, and your mother's calloused palms rubbing against your forehead. You can't help but think of the bowl of hot noodle soup your mother made for you. In the future, when you grow up and become successful, delicacies from the mountains and seas have become commonplace on your dining table, and you rarely think about that bowl of noodles. But when you are seriously ill, standing alone and hanging in the shadows, you feel that the bowl that your mother rolled out was nothing but a handful of spinach, a handful of soybean sprouts, and a hot noodle soup with egg drop, which is really what you have eaten in your life. the most beautiful delicacy. So you involuntarily raised your forehead, as if your mother's hand would immediately rub against your forehead as you did when you were a child; you swallowed hard saliva down your dry, desperate throat. At this moment, what you want to eat most is the bowl of hot noodle soup made by your mother? However, the mother is no longer there. You turn to your lover, hoping that at this moment he can hold you in his arms, and let his tenderness and caress relieve your pain. He used to love you so much, when you lacked nothing and needed nothing, he pointed at the sky and the earth, vowed eachother, tender feelings, and inseparable, and asked the stars not to pluck the moon for you. But when you are so sick that you can no longer make love for him, not to mention picking the stars or the moon, even if you try to change your taste for you. Of course you are reluctant to let him make a bowl of soup for you, but if he loves you for a long time, he should always remember a side dish that you especially like and that is not expensive. It seems that it is not difficult to order one in the restaurants all over the street. But your expectations have come to nothing. Don't say a side dish, even boiling boiled water for you is like "Open Sesame" in "The Arabian Nights". You want to ask next: don't say anything, just make a phone call. The phone was right beside him, and it was really just a matter of time. But I don't even have this phone call. At first, one or even several calls a day, and one call for more than an hour is now a dream? Finally, you realize that there is no one you can count on. Once you realize this, you will no longer cry, but smile with an open mind. So you stop dreaming about your mother's hot noodle soup, and don't expect your lover's embrace, and you shut down the phone in a stubborn way. You calmly watched the shadow of the sun covered by the quilt gradually move from east to west, and in the shadow of the sun, you slowly melted the pain by yourself. You will finally be able to struggle, staggering to the tap to pick up a glass of cold water, and drink it, as delicious as drinking mineral water in a five-star hotel. You stare at this glass of cold water in amazement and find that it can also quench your thirst. When you are hungry, you will find a piece of dry bread in the refrigerator, no jam or butter, and eat it hard. When you silently counted the shadow of the sun moving from east to west on the quilt over and over again, you survived this disease, and many others that followed. So you find that it is not only not miserable to be sick in a room, but may feel good on the contrary. From now on, you are no longer afraid to face the problems of going to the street, eating out, having fun, laughing, crying, and coping with the collapse of the world... Only then will you taste the leap from the kingdom of necessity to the kingdom of freedom. Have fun, and you'll feel that it's better to be "going alone" than being tied to everything with another person. That's when you really grow up, even though you may be 70 years old this year. Excerpted from: People's Literature Publishing House "Zhang Jie Collection: Essays and Essays"

(Responsible editor:photography skills)

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